My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize