I just threw up on my dentist
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
