Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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