I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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