just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize