she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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