just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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