3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize