Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i am craving dick and cupcakes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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