well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
