just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize