do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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