I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
