I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
