I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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