I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize