Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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