So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
