YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
