I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
