Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
