Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
