There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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