u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
