someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
