Everything about him screamed your future.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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