he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize