I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
