so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
