No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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