How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
