Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
