I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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