yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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