Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
