Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
