I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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