So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
