Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
