You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
