i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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