Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
