did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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