You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
