I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
