i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Congratulations! We have a period
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize