So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
