i think i have two assholes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
