My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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