By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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