hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
