So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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