Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
