You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
