I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
