I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
