They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
