There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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