Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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