let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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