I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
