I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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