two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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