Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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