did you get engaged???
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
