would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
