I hope mine doesn't look like that
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
