I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
